I mentioned this episode in my last Q&A as it very helpful. In this podcast, Maggie Goldsmith returns to continue our conversation about the psychodynamic approach to understanding gender issues
I've listened to both of these episodes several times and I'll have another go now. The "I didn't want to be yours anymore" hit especially hard. Sometimes it seems like the natural separation and self-exploration that used to go on has been "blocked" now, and teens need to do something drastic to start individuating. In part because modern parents see the forms of rebellion we participated in ourselves as "tame," and are accepting, but also because of the online world and reluctance to go out and experience the world.
My teens is pleasant to talk to when it comes to her hobbies, but she completely grinds to a halt when it comes to even remotely serious topics. As far as I can get out of her, she has no plans to get a job of any kind yet, and she does not dream of moving out, which concerns me. I'm happy for my adult children to live with me as that is normal where we live, but my plans for the future do not involve supporting my children financially indefinitely.
There's a kind of push-pull dynamic where she wants to lean on me for everything but also reactively rejects anything I say.
This is resoundingly familiar among gender-distressed children, "There's a kind of push-pull dynamic where she wants to lean on me for everything but also reactively rejects anything I say." It suggests that immaturity is a significant challenge in all this
Yes, I agree — but it wasn't always like this. She was more mature, and more able to take responsibility, pre-gender, as a much younger child.
So where does this immaturity come from? Do immature teens gravitate toward gender and everything that accompanies it, or do these ideas actively disrupt development? I'm thinking a bit of both. I'm thinking working with my child on maturity and independence is probably the best thing I can do for her right now, either way.
I've listened to both of these episodes several times and I'll have another go now. The "I didn't want to be yours anymore" hit especially hard. Sometimes it seems like the natural separation and self-exploration that used to go on has been "blocked" now, and teens need to do something drastic to start individuating. In part because modern parents see the forms of rebellion we participated in ourselves as "tame," and are accepting, but also because of the online world and reluctance to go out and experience the world.
My teens is pleasant to talk to when it comes to her hobbies, but she completely grinds to a halt when it comes to even remotely serious topics. As far as I can get out of her, she has no plans to get a job of any kind yet, and she does not dream of moving out, which concerns me. I'm happy for my adult children to live with me as that is normal where we live, but my plans for the future do not involve supporting my children financially indefinitely.
There's a kind of push-pull dynamic where she wants to lean on me for everything but also reactively rejects anything I say.
This is resoundingly familiar among gender-distressed children, "There's a kind of push-pull dynamic where she wants to lean on me for everything but also reactively rejects anything I say." It suggests that immaturity is a significant challenge in all this
Yes, I agree — but it wasn't always like this. She was more mature, and more able to take responsibility, pre-gender, as a much younger child.
So where does this immaturity come from? Do immature teens gravitate toward gender and everything that accompanies it, or do these ideas actively disrupt development? I'm thinking a bit of both. I'm thinking working with my child on maturity and independence is probably the best thing I can do for her right now, either way.
Excellent interview