“I hate the word ‘gender’”

In this piece,I explore the meaning of the word "gender" & share why I sometimes find it useful to use this term. This is a long one so I've provided an audio version too - keen to hear feedback!

The last time I spoke to my pal

Graham Linehan

on the phone I actually thought he had stubbed his toe or something when he let out an anguished cry in the middle of my random rant. “What’s wrong?” I asked frantically, “Oh, nothing,” he replied, “I just hate the word gender!”

In a world where we have two different f-words, an n-word, a b-word, and a c-word, we now seem to have yet another word that dare not speak its name: the g-word. Whenever I make a passing reference to “gender”—whether it’s in relation to the problematic nature of a diagnosis of “gender dysphoria”; the many tragic issues related to “rapid-onset gender dysphoria,” or some point about mine and Sasha Ayad’s podcast, Gender: A Wider Lens—I’m usually met with groans, eye-rolls, and lengthy tweet threads explaining why nobody, not even those working in this field, should ever utter the word “gender.”

It’s starting to feel a little oppressive. I wrote a long piece about the many issues related to the diagnosis of gender dysphoria – cue a ream of emails and messages explaining why gender isn’t a thing and I should avoid using the word at all times.

But you see, for some of us, gender is a thing. Some of us find the word a useful tool to communicate a specific point. Yes, shoot me—I believe that “gender” is a word that can be used in certain contexts. I also think that stereotypes can be helpful when trying to make a broader point. Harmful stereotypes are certainly harmful—I can easily concede that—but I don’t believe that all stereotypes are damaging.

A stereotype is basically a common but oversimplified belief or assumption about a certain group of people, based on things like sex (!), race, nationality, or job. Stereotypes often come from generalisations that might hold a bit of truth but usually miss the diversity within the group. Still, there can be a point to them. After all, our brains are wired for pattern recognition—a unique ability that sets us apart from other animals. This skill helps us grasp complex connections, predict outcomes, and drive innovation. This aptitude enables everything from scientific discoveries to cultural expressions like language, art and entertainment. For example, understanding that kids tend to be playful can help when planning a children’s party as opposed to one for adults (even if not all kids like to play). Scientists often develop strong analytical thinking, data interpretation, and meticulous research skills, whereas therapists hone active listening, empathy, and insight into human behaviour. In the same way, it’s usually safe to assume that comedians often have different personalities from surgeons.

Sometimes, stereotypes can assist with assessing risks, which can be useful for making safer, more cautious choices in tricky situations. For example, I taught my children to look for help from a woman with kids if they ever found themselves lost. Stereotypes can also serve as a starting point for further investigation rather than as definitive judgments, prompting questions that can lead to a deeper understanding of individuals and groups. I believe that many of the stereotypes associated with being Irish are true—for instance, we do tend to talk a lot, we typically find the funny side in just about anything, and yes, we do enjoy a drink. I’d say my own personality is stereotypically Irish.

Some stereotypes can be harmful—especially when they are inaccurate—and lead to bias, discrimination, and social inequality, so it is important to be judicious. But that doesn’t mean that stereotypes are always harmful.

Inaccuracy is the real issue here. It would be beneficial if the distinction between sex and gender were as often corrected as the differences between words like “jealousy” and “envy,” “historic” and “historical,” or “sympathy” and “empathy.” In fact, there are countless words that are regularly misused—ironic, literally, averse, adverse, continual, continuous— on and on the list goes, giving the pedants an itchy brain but not causing too much trouble in the grand scheme of things.

The problem with the word “gender,” however, is more significant. Trans ideology has co-opted this term, making it a catch-all that that can be used anytime, anywhere, to make any given point. Using "gender" when "sex" is actually meant can lead to serious problems. Including "gender" in policy or legal documents inevitably results in chaos, as sex and gender are not interchangeable.

Gender-critical feminism emerged from feminists who critiqued gender roles as harmful. These feminists analysed the harms of gender ideology, sought to abolish gender as a concept, and were prescient in recognising early issues related to trans ideology. Today, being gender critical tends to mean something different—a perspective or movement that emphasises the immutability of biological sex and argues that gender identity theory is harmful for various reasons, especially in the context of self-ID, medical or social transition, women’s rights, safe spaces, and sports.

Most people know that our sex is revealed either in utero or at birth. Nobody on earth can change sex. Of course they can try but the result tends to be a pastiche, a bricolage. Although the word “sex” is not the same as “gender,” it is certainly associated with it. Gender, according to the Merriam-Webster, refers to “the behavioral, cultural, or emotional traits typically associated with one sex.”

We discuss the differences between sex and gender in finer detail in the Genspect FAQs. Carrie Clark and

Helen Pluckrose

helped us interrogate our thinking as we developed our FAQs and so we’ve given this topic a lot of thought. The FAQs explain the Genspect position: “Gender is a culturally variable set of behavior and personality expectations applied to sexed bodies. We differentiate between gender roles and gender identity. Gender roles are stereotypical norms that have been established by society. Gender identity theory is a theory proposed by clinicians in the past and this theory is unsupported by research, unfalsifiable and unverifiable.”

And so, to the “culturally variable set of behavior and personality expectations.” A simple, broad-stroke way to remember this distinction is that sex refers to male or female while gender refers to masculine or feminine. There are more masculine men than masculine women but both exist (and vice versa, of course).  There are certain characteristics typically associated with one sex and others associated with the other. Some people appear to develop a sense of gender as they grow into adulthood. Some individuals are very feminine, some very masculine, and others are neither; they don’t express or display feelings or behaviour typically associated with being male or female.

There is also “a well-documented 30% overlap between feminine and masculine traits in both sexes.” Some boys show distinctly feminine characteristics, while some girls display strongly masculine traits, and few individuals possess every trait typical of their sex. The reasons for these variations are widely debated. It’s important to recognise that there will naturally be a proportion of boys whose tastes and preferences are more feminine than those of most girls; similarly, a number of girls will have traits and preferences that are more masculine than those of the majority of boys.

Nonetheless, there is a wealth of evidence showing that certain characteristics are more likely to be associated with one sex than the other. Research also consistently finds that “sex differences in personality are larger in more gender equal countries.” This surprising result has been confirmed by studies examining cross-country differences in personality and challenges many assumptions related to social role theory. The point is that in societies where people are free to express themselves, men and women tend to emphasise their unique characteristics even more, making the natural differences between the sexes even more noticeable.

Research shows that women generally score higher than men across all five personality traits (Neuroticism, Extraversion, Openness, Agreeableness, and Conscientiousness), and, again, that these differences are more pronounced in countries with greater equality between the sexes. Not only that, but the cliché – the trope, the old stereotype – that men are more interested in things and women are more interested in people is, in fact, strongly supported by the research. And yes, I know – there are, of course, countless exceptions to the rule – yet it is difficult to deny that quality research consistently demonstrates certain differences between the sexes.

Men are generally more socio-sexual than women. Young boys tend to enjoy rough play more than girls. Males are also more likely to be physically aggressive compared to females. These differences are well-documented by reliable research. (And yes, I know there are millions of exceptions — I'm not a feminine woman.)

An evolutionary perspective suggests that some sex differences are innate, rooted in biology, while others argue that hormones play a more direct role in shaping these differences. My work with people who have medically transitioned (and especially among those who have detransitioned) has certainly convinced me of the powerful impact hormones can have on the body. For instance, male physical strength might lead to a natural inclination to protect those who are weaker—namely, women and children—while the nurturing qualities found in many (not all! NOT ALL!) women could make them more likely to care for children and the elderly. Similarly, when a woman takes testosterone, she might feel an increased inclination to physically protect her loved ones

For these reasons, I have no major issue with using the word “gender” when I want to describe the typical traits associated with each sex. In fact, I sometimes find it convenient to use this term. Arguably, the real issues with the word “gender” arise not from its correct usage but from the following:

·       The word ‘gender’ has come to be used interchangeably with ‘sex’ and this has caused mayhem (especially in a legal context)

·       Gender identity theory is a harmful theory that is wreaking havoc

·       Societies that limit freedom often severely curtail men and women’s behaviour according to harmful gender stereotypes

·       Strict adherence to stereotypes is often harmful

·       Some people hate stereotypes

A lot of people think that using “gender” instead of “sex” came from old-fashioned squeamishness around the word “sex.” But there was another reasonably good reason for it: the word “sex” has different meanings, so other terms are sometimes needed to ensure clarity. In the 1960s and 70s, as “sex” came to be more likely to refer to sexual activity than biological distinctions as sexual intercourse started to be more frequently discussed in public, and so it arguably made sense to start using “gender” in certain contexts instead.

Right now, in the midst of an ongoing medical scandal, we need to be careful with our language. Sometimes, in certain contexts, some of us want to use the word “gender” for good reason without having to continuously (or is it continually?!) defend why.

So, in defence of the G-word: it’s here because it can sometimes be useful. Just because the word “gender” has gone rogue doesn’t mean we should throw the baby out with the bathwater—instead, perhaps we could focus on making sure that more people use the term accurately?