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Sad_Mom's avatar

Hi Stella, I just want to offer a few thoughts as a mom. If it matters, I’m a gen-Xer and have a FtM daughter.

I was at your conference in Colorado. It was amazing, and I was extremely dismayed by the controversy that erupted - on social media - afterwards. If Phil’s presence was an affront to anyone at the conference, I didn’t notice. My sense was that there was a feeling on the ground of having bigger fish to fry.

I really appreciate your essay and I can easily see and situate myself within the ideological frameworks that you describe here.

TBH, I’ve never really considered myself a feminist. I’m grateful for the gains made over many decades for reproductive choices, job opportunities, etc. But I guess in recent years in particular I felt bothered or even alienated by what I perceive to be some of the more strident aspects.

Of course, seeing the TRAs run roughshod over women’s private spaces and women’s sports over the last few years has made me reconsider my reticent feminism. I’m middle aged now, and for the first time in my life, I’ve joined women’s rights groups. That said, I agree that Genspect should not strictly consider itself a women’s right group.

On the other side, I’m like most other left-leaning liberal Canadian folks. Hubby and I don’t care if (20yo) daughter is a lesbian. Any yet. Here she is insisting that she’s always had a boy brain and needs to transition. In my household there is no obligation around girls having to do this or that, no being forced to wear dresses or cook the food.

But TBH, having been put through the wringer the last five years, I think wistfully of the social conservatives that you mention. And in the dead of the night, I lie awake asking myself, what if I had made her wear a dress that time, do her hair? Put on some pretty shoes? Would she have found some joy in a simple act? Would that have been enough to tether her to being female? Would it have eased her over the rough patches of adolescence?

All that to say, I really appreciate the thoughtful approach you’ve laid out here, especially your determination to stick to truly Liberal values. It feels like this approach is getting to be a rarity, and that’s a shame.

I still believe in people with different points of view of view coming together for a greater good.

I want kids to have to freedom to grow up to be gay or lesbian. I want the MtF boys to get help, too. Stella, my heart breaks for the moms and dads of boys trapped in this hell. It’s so complicated for them. Genspect makes me feel less alone in the world. You have given me a sense of community and hope. Families of MtFs need the same. If that means I need to sit next to a guy in a dress at the next Genspect conference, so be it.

Again, thank you for this Stella.

About the Venn diagram, I wish I could get a better view. On my phone, it’s a tiny thumbnail. And it doesn’t show anywhere else on the post when I open it.

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Rainy's avatar

I agree, it is much better for Genspect to stay non-biased, non-partisan, and inclusive, because that is how they will invite more people to participate, and keeping this stance will have a farther reach and help many more people.

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