I love both. Have learnt a lot from presentations, and it's great that they are available for rewatching. I feel Q&A are more helpfull right now, so I vote for them for January. But in future I'd love to hear your thoughts on for example how to handle romantic relationships and friendships of our transidentified kids in a good way.
I have taken in the Wider Lens podcast which has been invaluable and find it is very helpful to have that podcast knowledge and hear you speak to specific questions in the few Q&A's and presentations that I have tapped into, having recently joined here. I found the ppt you did that included 'Ho’oponopono' the most valuable thing I have heard in the past year, easily. I have no idea what the future holds, but that bit of advice is proving out to be magic. I think it was also so good because you were very clear about the 'script' (yes, there is irony there! (-:). I would really love to have a ppt (a audio episode or Q&A or video) that was geared toward adolescents, i.e., as if you were talking to an adolescent. I keep listening to episodes and such that would be appropriate, but usually there is something in them that would add to tensions or not quite capture the attention of that age/interest.
Your Substack has been immensely helpful to me over the past year. I would love alternating between both Q&A and presentation. Presentations are nice to be able to go back to as sometimes subjects aren’t relevant at that moment but will be later. Q&A offers us immediate help. Thank you!
Stella, in one of your recent Q&A's you spoke about how we as parents can talk about the difference between our kids view of trans (innate gender identity as a belief, like a soul) Vs. our view of gender dysphoria / gender questions as something that develops from distress. You spoke about it in response to a question about gender OCD, but I think this concept is very powerful, and should be pushed in the mainstream. Do you think you could expand on this or even discuss with Sasha on an episode of GWL podcast? I cannot stress how useful this juxtaposition is on many levels.
For one, in discussions with our children because this framing is not confrontational and validates their beliefs while also posing an alternate, seemingly non-threatening possibility. I am not naive to think that it will convince someone in one go, but I do believe that this gentle reframing does not activate cognitive dissonance, and allows the continuation of the conversation bc the child is more receptive. Maybe it will even plant a seed for an alternative viewpoint to emerge in time.
I also think that especially the kids being doused with this ideology at school and in the culture need an alternative to thinking about themselves as being 'born in the wrong body.' saying 'you are perfect the way you are' is super invalidating, but the possibility that there may be another source of this distress maybe can be helpful? It has long been my belief that affirmation, as kind as it tries to be, is actually traumatizing to our children- you spoke about this regarding OCD, and it also leads to anxiety: I think our kids come to us, or doctors or our teachers, without knowing how to pose the question "is this what's wrong with me?" and when we affirm we are saying, "yes, you are broken and wrong in the most fundamental way." I think this would be a terrifying thought and may explain why many of our children experience a steep deterioration of their well-being after 'coming out.' instead, this developmental model of thinking about gender distress leaves them room for exploration and eventual self-redemption.
I also think the developmental framing provides parents with the language and a concrete scientific explanation for the instinctual doubt many of us feel in our guts but are unable to express. I've spoken to many parents who have these doubts when their kids first 'come out' that get bulldozed bc the affirmation narrative is just so strong. I think the developmental narrative can be a foil for affirmation, and it belongs in the mainstream conversation as a way out for those of us conditioned to accept that 'transkids know themselves.'
Lastly, I think the developmental framework is helpful when addressing doctors. I just WISH I had had this language when my kid was young and I was sitting in the office of the most prestigious child and adolescent psychiatrist at NYU, who was saying that we should affirm without as much as a discussion of the context from which the identification emerged.
I'm sorry this is so long. I've had many thoughts about this bc it really blew my mind. it also provided me with a new way to breach the subject with my daughter, who had prohibited the topic for years. for once she did not run away and we had a productive chat about medicalization.
I like both, however find your targeted presentations more informative. I would however prefer you leave the recording running for the Q&A at the end as being in Aus I usually only get to watch the recording and I believe seeing the Q&A follow-up would be extremely beneficial. 🙏🙏🙏
All of your content is super helpful. I’m grateful for whatever you have time and content for. It also might be worthwhile to hear an anonymized case study type of presentation where you follow the progression of a gender confused person through their therapeutic relationship with you or one of your colleagues. While none of us have a crystal ball, it might help to hear how clients change/evolve/grow so that us parents have a better understanding of what might be around the next corner.
I benefit from it all. I would love to hear someone talk about estrangement. Our previously loving son, 34, began transitioning last year. He also has cut us off. This I’m finding, in GDSN and other groups is common, also it is excruciatingly painful for our family. I am deeply hurt, confused and very worried about him.
I love both. Have learnt a lot from presentations, and it's great that they are available for rewatching. I feel Q&A are more helpfull right now, so I vote for them for January. But in future I'd love to hear your thoughts on for example how to handle romantic relationships and friendships of our transidentified kids in a good way.
I have taken in the Wider Lens podcast which has been invaluable and find it is very helpful to have that podcast knowledge and hear you speak to specific questions in the few Q&A's and presentations that I have tapped into, having recently joined here. I found the ppt you did that included 'Ho’oponopono' the most valuable thing I have heard in the past year, easily. I have no idea what the future holds, but that bit of advice is proving out to be magic. I think it was also so good because you were very clear about the 'script' (yes, there is irony there! (-:). I would really love to have a ppt (a audio episode or Q&A or video) that was geared toward adolescents, i.e., as if you were talking to an adolescent. I keep listening to episodes and such that would be appropriate, but usually there is something in them that would add to tensions or not quite capture the attention of that age/interest.
This is really helpful
Your Substack has been immensely helpful to me over the past year. I would love alternating between both Q&A and presentation. Presentations are nice to be able to go back to as sometimes subjects aren’t relevant at that moment but will be later. Q&A offers us immediate help. Thank you!
Great I'm thinking of doing just that
I think both are invaluable Stella. I always feel calmer after one of your sessions thank you
Thanks x
thankyou for your courageous work it REALLY helps
I love your presentations 💚
Stella, in one of your recent Q&A's you spoke about how we as parents can talk about the difference between our kids view of trans (innate gender identity as a belief, like a soul) Vs. our view of gender dysphoria / gender questions as something that develops from distress. You spoke about it in response to a question about gender OCD, but I think this concept is very powerful, and should be pushed in the mainstream. Do you think you could expand on this or even discuss with Sasha on an episode of GWL podcast? I cannot stress how useful this juxtaposition is on many levels.
For one, in discussions with our children because this framing is not confrontational and validates their beliefs while also posing an alternate, seemingly non-threatening possibility. I am not naive to think that it will convince someone in one go, but I do believe that this gentle reframing does not activate cognitive dissonance, and allows the continuation of the conversation bc the child is more receptive. Maybe it will even plant a seed for an alternative viewpoint to emerge in time.
I also think that especially the kids being doused with this ideology at school and in the culture need an alternative to thinking about themselves as being 'born in the wrong body.' saying 'you are perfect the way you are' is super invalidating, but the possibility that there may be another source of this distress maybe can be helpful? It has long been my belief that affirmation, as kind as it tries to be, is actually traumatizing to our children- you spoke about this regarding OCD, and it also leads to anxiety: I think our kids come to us, or doctors or our teachers, without knowing how to pose the question "is this what's wrong with me?" and when we affirm we are saying, "yes, you are broken and wrong in the most fundamental way." I think this would be a terrifying thought and may explain why many of our children experience a steep deterioration of their well-being after 'coming out.' instead, this developmental model of thinking about gender distress leaves them room for exploration and eventual self-redemption.
I also think the developmental framing provides parents with the language and a concrete scientific explanation for the instinctual doubt many of us feel in our guts but are unable to express. I've spoken to many parents who have these doubts when their kids first 'come out' that get bulldozed bc the affirmation narrative is just so strong. I think the developmental narrative can be a foil for affirmation, and it belongs in the mainstream conversation as a way out for those of us conditioned to accept that 'transkids know themselves.'
Lastly, I think the developmental framework is helpful when addressing doctors. I just WISH I had had this language when my kid was young and I was sitting in the office of the most prestigious child and adolescent psychiatrist at NYU, who was saying that we should affirm without as much as a discussion of the context from which the identification emerged.
I'm sorry this is so long. I've had many thoughts about this bc it really blew my mind. it also provided me with a new way to breach the subject with my daughter, who had prohibited the topic for years. for once she did not run away and we had a productive chat about medicalization.
again, sorry so long.
This is really interesting and helpful, thank you!
Well said!
I like both, however find your targeted presentations more informative. I would however prefer you leave the recording running for the Q&A at the end as being in Aus I usually only get to watch the recording and I believe seeing the Q&A follow-up would be extremely beneficial. 🙏🙏🙏
All of your content is super helpful. I’m grateful for whatever you have time and content for. It also might be worthwhile to hear an anonymized case study type of presentation where you follow the progression of a gender confused person through their therapeutic relationship with you or one of your colleagues. While none of us have a crystal ball, it might help to hear how clients change/evolve/grow so that us parents have a better understanding of what might be around the next corner.
Good idea!
I benefit from it all. I would love to hear someone talk about estrangement. Our previously loving son, 34, began transitioning last year. He also has cut us off. This I’m finding, in GDSN and other groups is common, also it is excruciatingly painful for our family. I am deeply hurt, confused and very worried about him.
Hi, sorry to hear this xxx
I think both would be really useful! Perhaps you could alternate between the two?
it's looking that way!
I think both can be useful.
For me, right now, I’m new to this sub stack so I think alternating q&a and presentation would be great!
Thank you for being a voice of thoughtfulness and reason with this madness.
I like both. I'd recommend alternating one each month
I think i'll do that
I find both very helpful. Need more help with how to handle toxic friends, romantic relationships, alienation and better communication. Thank you.
I think a q and a would be great.