Aaron Terrell has a story that closely aligns with much of my own. I too was impressed, I thought of later, by a loss and thoughts of giving life to that love through my actions. But, that was not my initial sense that I had need; a need to mature into a female being. Odd. This sense of incongruity in biological fact was a force that never, psychologically, left me.
I was conditioned to be a man. Better than women and to disdain and fear homosexuals, with allowance given, as a true man, to never entreat acceptance of any sexual deviance and with impunity mete out justice against them and their behavior.
This domestic social conditioning, common at the time and place, would more than haunt me my whole life. This would worsen the older I got. The self repudiation born of shame and disgust for, what I identified as abhorrent behavioral deviancy, dishonesty, fear, and pathbreaking, was the catalyst for my eventual surrender to align with my mental physical construct to present my surroundings as female in order to attain a level of psychological comfort; a reprieve from the struggle I was failing to defeat to this point in my life.
I slowly transitioned alone, except for the company of therapists before and after. I sold nearly everything I had in order to pay for my SRS. I was only marginally nervous. I expected a degree of relief from all that a life of identity oppression had impressed on my psyche.
I remember having a thought of, "how odd," when after my surgery the staff of the reconstructive surgeon and hospital, celebrated by 'new birth-day', and I stared at them, thinking "what do they mean?" To me, I was the same person I had been from birth.
I had a problem, it was identified, the pros and cons of treatment were highlighted, and consequences were given serious consideration. The solution, although uncertain, was an option based on my mental health, psychological condition, and physical health It would be a benefit, one leading to a coalescing of imagined and real self-identity where living and participating in my home and community would allow me to survive and contribute comfortably, without shame, because I had done all I could to fit in knowing I no longer had this part of me to hide. I assumed the identity of a woman, yes a trans-woman, but I was silent, unless asked (I never have been), or by disclosure to those I believed I was going to form a new, close, relationship with. I have lived unmolested, welcomed, and loved. I have lost only one friend from my past. I have been blessed with acceptance and position in a Women's Motorcycle Club; recent publicity around actions of the tyrannical ideology of the trans-gender movement have concerned me enough that my being affiliated with the women's club might bring unwanted attention that could lessen their credibility, has caused me to approach them individually asking that I be honorably released from my membership and commitment to them. Their answer, overwhelmingly and to my surprise, is "hell no!" I am more than touched.
I don't know what the future for people like me might be. I do know that the right of center people that I am surrounded by, for the most part, could care less, unless and until they would irrationally consider me a threat to themselves, their children and the community. The so called Trans-Community, is to blame for this shift.
The shift is affecting me, and not in a good way.
Aaron shared great insight with you in an honest and credible manner. I don't begrudge him for pushing back against the medical and psychological system and their endorsement of early treatment for perceived Gender Dysphoria; I too, am adamantly opposed to that. I fear that the pendulum will swing so far in response to the damage caused that it will impact treatment options, in the future, for those people who would truly benefit from medical assistance in presenting to the world a physical persona that matches a person's mental impression for the sex they identify strongly with and forms their Gender Identity, for real. Call us Trans-Sexuals or Pseudo-Men/Women, but we are the rare mentally ill, who benefit from transitioning to emulate our preferred sexual-identity, as best we can.
I will never be fully healed.
(I did not take the time to edit this; sorry for the errors)
Aaron Terrell has a story that closely aligns with much of my own. I too was impressed, I thought of later, by a loss and thoughts of giving life to that love through my actions. But, that was not my initial sense that I had need; a need to mature into a female being. Odd. This sense of incongruity in biological fact was a force that never, psychologically, left me.
I was conditioned to be a man. Better than women and to disdain and fear homosexuals, with allowance given, as a true man, to never entreat acceptance of any sexual deviance and with impunity mete out justice against them and their behavior.
This domestic social conditioning, common at the time and place, would more than haunt me my whole life. This would worsen the older I got. The self repudiation born of shame and disgust for, what I identified as abhorrent behavioral deviancy, dishonesty, fear, and pathbreaking, was the catalyst for my eventual surrender to align with my mental physical construct to present my surroundings as female in order to attain a level of psychological comfort; a reprieve from the struggle I was failing to defeat to this point in my life.
I slowly transitioned alone, except for the company of therapists before and after. I sold nearly everything I had in order to pay for my SRS. I was only marginally nervous. I expected a degree of relief from all that a life of identity oppression had impressed on my psyche.
I remember having a thought of, "how odd," when after my surgery the staff of the reconstructive surgeon and hospital, celebrated by 'new birth-day', and I stared at them, thinking "what do they mean?" To me, I was the same person I had been from birth.
I had a problem, it was identified, the pros and cons of treatment were highlighted, and consequences were given serious consideration. The solution, although uncertain, was an option based on my mental health, psychological condition, and physical health It would be a benefit, one leading to a coalescing of imagined and real self-identity where living and participating in my home and community would allow me to survive and contribute comfortably, without shame, because I had done all I could to fit in knowing I no longer had this part of me to hide. I assumed the identity of a woman, yes a trans-woman, but I was silent, unless asked (I never have been), or by disclosure to those I believed I was going to form a new, close, relationship with. I have lived unmolested, welcomed, and loved. I have lost only one friend from my past. I have been blessed with acceptance and position in a Women's Motorcycle Club; recent publicity around actions of the tyrannical ideology of the trans-gender movement have concerned me enough that my being affiliated with the women's club might bring unwanted attention that could lessen their credibility, has caused me to approach them individually asking that I be honorably released from my membership and commitment to them. Their answer, overwhelmingly and to my surprise, is "hell no!" I am more than touched.
I don't know what the future for people like me might be. I do know that the right of center people that I am surrounded by, for the most part, could care less, unless and until they would irrationally consider me a threat to themselves, their children and the community. The so called Trans-Community, is to blame for this shift.
The shift is affecting me, and not in a good way.
Aaron shared great insight with you in an honest and credible manner. I don't begrudge him for pushing back against the medical and psychological system and their endorsement of early treatment for perceived Gender Dysphoria; I too, am adamantly opposed to that. I fear that the pendulum will swing so far in response to the damage caused that it will impact treatment options, in the future, for those people who would truly benefit from medical assistance in presenting to the world a physical persona that matches a person's mental impression for the sex they identify strongly with and forms their Gender Identity, for real. Call us Trans-Sexuals or Pseudo-Men/Women, but we are the rare mentally ill, who benefit from transitioning to emulate our preferred sexual-identity, as best we can.
I will never be fully healed.
(I did not take the time to edit this; sorry for the errors)