Your little video blurb yesterday really inspired me. My family is now entering year three in the shadow of gender, and I have to say I am feeling more optimistic than before. 2023 was the year during which I stopped being afraid of the gender ideologues and openly started discussing my concerns and views with my child. It was unpleasant, but at least it opened the door for interpersonal honesty around the topic.
My child is now doing better than she was going into 2023. She seems happier and more confident. Gender is still there, but not everything is about gender now.
This year, I am planning to live for myself. (I am a widow. You often mention it's mostly moms involved around the gender issue, but my husband unfortunately didn't have a choice in the matter. I often wonder how he'd have responded, but I honestly have no idea.) I'm planning to live a life so infectiously fulfilled that my kids can't help but be inspired. I'm tentatively planning to talk about everything except for gender — because gender was always a symptom, never a cause. But if the topic comes up, I won't shy away.
We all have to find our own path in this. It takes time and the pressure of having no idea what to do is a lot to handle. We find out feet over time, no matter what the outcome.
Hopefully your article will inspire a new attitude about the complexity of gender.
The vocal left war with JK Rowling is the poster child for how dysfunctional the discussion has become. If the vocal left could make peace with JK Rowling, the whole discussion would become much more functional.
I’m 3 years in, my daughter is less embedded in ‘gender’ she still dresses I’d say non conforming, I’m ok with that, she looks edgy, still female. I don’t focus on gender, I focus on her. She treats me well, she now tells me she ‘loves me’ often, tells me about her day. This is great, in the early days, she barely came out of her room. She was depressed and I spiralled into darkness, it made me physically unwell, I underwent surgery last year.
I’m doing better, making myself a priority and finding positivity in my daughter, she is different, she wants to be different. I’m working on her uniqueness, whilst keeping her safe. I am not religious, but trust/ have faith my daughter will work this all out, by herself.
Our son showed no signs of gender dysphoria as a child but when he had some traumatic life events including the break up with a girl he had a relationship for years I believe he developed mal adaptive coping skills. This seems to have included AGP because it looks like he is trying desperately to look like the old girlfriend. I believe porn is a big influence as well.He has also now turned his back on his family. I posit someone can present as both RODG and AGP
My son also showed no signs as a child. He has 2 older sisters and never had any interest in ‘typical’ girl things. It came on for him after Covid and online schooling. He seems to want to be like his sisters now. I believe he feels life is more fun and easier for girls. Porn may have played into it for sure. Not something he has wanted to talk to me about. But Covid lockdowns were a big part of the ideology taking hold.
I remember a kid telling me he keeps his social life and his sex life separate - it was basically too stressful to flirt with girls and to make himself vulnerable by making it clear he fancied them, so he just remained friends with the girls and this sex life was wholly online
Autogynephilic cross-sex identity disorder has always presented in terms of being "rapid onset", as Blanchard and Bailey wrote for parents in 2017:
"From a parent’s perspective, autogynephilic gender dysphoria (which occurs only in natal males) often seems to come out of the blue. This is likely to be true whether the onset is during adolescence or adulthood. A teenage boy may suddenly announce that he is actually a woman trapped in a man’s body, or that he is transgender, or that he wants gender transition."
The theory of "ROGD boys", which suggests that there is a new type of cross-sex identity disorder (beyond autogynephilia) amongst males caused by social factors, e.g. misandry in feminist online "social justice" circles, seemed interesting. However on closer examination, it is arguable that proponents of this theory only believed they had discovered something new, as their understanding of autogynephilia was solely in terms of a negative caricature, which the boys they saw did not subscribe to.
Isn't it safe to say whatever the reason, my son is not living in reality since hevtruly believes he is a woman and needs help to attain better life coping skills. I don't think it is one thing that caused his issues but a combination of factors. Supposedly he sought council for his issues which lead to this path. In today's world it is hard for both him and his discarded family to receive real help and healing. You cannot look at this problem without discovering tortured souls; whether in a youth,young adult or adult.
I think if the narrative is one of having a “female mind/brain in male body” then that is not living in reality.
While I think for some that autogynephilia is a constant, I can see that for others it is also affected by life events, and becomes challenging where the prospect of living in a fantasy becomes preferable to living in reality.
One YouTube account of autogynephilia by a medical doctor, narrates that his autogynephilia became more present when he was affected by a family bereavement.
I thought your article was very nuanced. Here is the video in case it is of interest for this article, or further articles. [1]
I was mistaken, the man was a surgeon, not a doctor. The audio is bad quality, but at 22:00 he recounts a strong urge to cross-dress after the death of his mother, and at a time of marital stress caused by a health condition mentioned at 25:30.
I heard a report of a father starting to "transition" after his child developed cancer. I can imagine this would have made it even harder for the family, however I believe it is the same phenomenon: when one no longer wants to live in reality, living in fantasy becomes more attractive, and existing autogynephilia, which may have not been so compelling in the past, provides that fantasy.
And how does not one think this could not be a psychosomatic pathology vs an “innateness”. It seems we have lots of men who are willing to discuss it, but as with other diagnosis, parents/family should be a sort of the discussion to give clues into the family dynamics.
How does one explain the sudden increase in teen/YA males who are now “trans”. I don’t believe Blanchard/Bailey. They are the least inquisitive sexologists I have heard/read. After listening to a 2 hr symposium on ETII/AGP - I believe the theory even less. They never ask the most important question of all, “why?”. As Anne Lawrence says to the effect, “the western world values individuality, if this phenomenon were to happen in another culture, we wouldn’t have trans. Lawrence also mentions that in the AGP pop, there is a high level of narcissistic behavior.
It seems all these AGPs can tell you with certainty when they started wearing their mother’s clothes at a young age, (recall bias) but never why? Secondly, how is it that these AGP’s have an abnormally developed sexual desire at 5-6 yrs of age?
Bailey posits that an ETII is a sexual orientation. If you believe that, then one must believe that not only AGP is a sexual orientation so are furries as both would like to become that which they desire. As Bailey mentions, at this time it’s too expensive and difficult to become one. This is what one calls a social bound culture phenomenon. It seems the only sexually deviant behavior that is not a SO, according to them, are baby diaper wearing men. They apparently have no desire to become a baby so they just have a fetish.
Porn is available to all and our society has not done anything to keep it out of the hands of minors and YA. Porn now is totally different than what it was during Hugh Hefners playboy magazine years.
In addition to the prevalence of porn I believe the very strong desire to escape being the " oppressor" and become the "oppressed" plays a big part in todays transgender issues whether it be FTM or MTF
"Parents also seek to suppress discussion about sexual links to gender distress perhaps because they feel frightened by any signs of sexually inappropriate behaviour coming from their children."
There is a fear of putting the boys into the AGP/sexual box because of the often repeated (but incorrect) statement that AGP's who transitioned in the past did well. This is mentioned by Bailey a lot, and others who say that those who transitioned in the past were middle aged men, and that they had a low regret rate and that it usually worked out.
Thus, sexualizing an MTF sounds very similar to saying that those are ok to medicalize.
They seem to forget the 19x suicide rate even in Dhejne et al (2011), the fact that if you only kept those in Dhejne et al (2014) who were followed up 8 years at least it appears the number who changed their name was 4.4% not 2.2% and that changing your name doesn't mean you got all the regretters, and that all the older studies don't have adequate follow-up, and that efforts to show reliable benefit of surgical transition in studies have failed. Just like the ones for hormones.
The regret rate even for the past is unknown, studies were hopeless, which is pointed out even in the studies that claim it works, and then say right afterwards, oh, but follow up loss ranged up to 80% and oh they were measuring different things at different times, but sure sure it's all fine...
I think only one md followed up patients almost every year, checking on them, the rest...not really.
There is also the fact that many of these boys are ashamed of their manhood or have what seems to be absolute hatred of their sexed bodies, so those who are trying to be helpful by saying it is ok to treat the MTF who have had surgery as F....they're like...ok...surgery then!
Yes you make very good points here and I'll include them in the updated article. I believe the regret rate is much higher - the 'lost-to-follow up' numbers make the research on regret really problematic
I have seen those in the anti-"gender identity" movement insist that autogynephilia in boys does not exist, despite all evidence to the contrary.
The motive for doing so is perhaps obvious, as to talk about those with autogynephilia as also amongst the victims of "gender identity" ideology, is to break with the ideological viewpoint that the "trans" issue was created by a patriarchy in order to benefit autogynephilic men. "Autogynephilia" for this group has lost Blanchard's original meaning, and is used to mean "oppressor" or "abuser". When this group want to identify an autogynephilic male who acts otherwise, the descriptor used is "gender non-conforming", or indeed "ROGD boy".
It's easier to believe that autogynephilia does not exist in boys, as to recognise otherwise, is to admit that much of the vitriol directed towards autogynephilia will also spill out onto the very boys who this group claim they want to protect, i.e. those who are going to be the most likely to experience issues of cross-sex identification, and susceptible to the belief that they have the "gender identity" of the opposite sex.
I created a memo in order to try and help organisations recognise what they currently hold as "gender identity" in terms of autogynephilia, so will share it again here: https://transpolicy.substack.com/p/trans-memo
I've always found the caricaturing of autogynephilia counter-productive for a group who claim they want to dispel the myth of "gender identity", so I wrote the above memo to try and show the non-caricatured reality, as seen by the public.
If you consider appropriate, please could you share the memo on Genspect's twitter account. I have published the memo on a Substack separate from my political commentary on this topic (as Transpolicy, rather than Since 2010), so that the memo can hopefully be shared by a broad coalition.
If you wanted to republish the article on Genspect, as "from a reader" please feel free to. If you wanted to publish it in an edited form, then let me know.
Thank you for this, Stella. This is definitely a topic that could use more attention. The AGP dx. is one I hope my child doesn’t have/ receive but I honestly don’t know as he is over 18. I would prefer to imagine that this is not part of his problem as to me it feels creepy/ repulsive ? I can’t be the only parent that feels this way.
Yes, it is extremely difficult for everyone to contemplate. The fact is, statistically speaking, some men (mostly men anyway) are paedophiles, some are hebephiles ( a lot more than people realise), some are into frotteurism, sado-masochism, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc etc. I've worked with people who have had to endure this in their family and it's very difficult
No, I don't think your reply is civil as you say I'm gaslighting and yet you don't show any evidence of gaslighting. Do you also think that Lisa Littman's research is gaslighting? Littman's research shows that over 38% of male detransitioners and 13% of female detransitioners self-report an erotic component about their urge to medically transition. These detransitioners also self-report ROGD - is this gaslighting too?
Your little video blurb yesterday really inspired me. My family is now entering year three in the shadow of gender, and I have to say I am feeling more optimistic than before. 2023 was the year during which I stopped being afraid of the gender ideologues and openly started discussing my concerns and views with my child. It was unpleasant, but at least it opened the door for interpersonal honesty around the topic.
My child is now doing better than she was going into 2023. She seems happier and more confident. Gender is still there, but not everything is about gender now.
This year, I am planning to live for myself. (I am a widow. You often mention it's mostly moms involved around the gender issue, but my husband unfortunately didn't have a choice in the matter. I often wonder how he'd have responded, but I honestly have no idea.) I'm planning to live a life so infectiously fulfilled that my kids can't help but be inspired. I'm tentatively planning to talk about everything except for gender — because gender was always a symptom, never a cause. But if the topic comes up, I won't shy away.
We all have to find our own path in this. It takes time and the pressure of having no idea what to do is a lot to handle. We find out feet over time, no matter what the outcome.
Hi that’s a lovely message to wake up to. I hope 2024 works out well for you. You’re right, we do find our feet over time xx
Happy New Year. Outstanding article.
Hopefully your article will inspire a new attitude about the complexity of gender.
The vocal left war with JK Rowling is the poster child for how dysfunctional the discussion has become. If the vocal left could make peace with JK Rowling, the whole discussion would become much more functional.
Thank you! Yes if only the left would begin confronting the message instead of focusing on the messenger
I’m 3 years in, my daughter is less embedded in ‘gender’ she still dresses I’d say non conforming, I’m ok with that, she looks edgy, still female. I don’t focus on gender, I focus on her. She treats me well, she now tells me she ‘loves me’ often, tells me about her day. This is great, in the early days, she barely came out of her room. She was depressed and I spiralled into darkness, it made me physically unwell, I underwent surgery last year.
I’m doing better, making myself a priority and finding positivity in my daughter, she is different, she wants to be different. I’m working on her uniqueness, whilst keeping her safe. I am not religious, but trust/ have faith my daughter will work this all out, by herself.
Best wishes for you and your family. I'm really glad you are also prioritizing yourself, it's the most healthy approach
Our son showed no signs of gender dysphoria as a child but when he had some traumatic life events including the break up with a girl he had a relationship for years I believe he developed mal adaptive coping skills. This seems to have included AGP because it looks like he is trying desperately to look like the old girlfriend. I believe porn is a big influence as well.He has also now turned his back on his family. I posit someone can present as both RODG and AGP
My son also showed no signs as a child. He has 2 older sisters and never had any interest in ‘typical’ girl things. It came on for him after Covid and online schooling. He seems to want to be like his sisters now. I believe he feels life is more fun and easier for girls. Porn may have played into it for sure. Not something he has wanted to talk to me about. But Covid lockdowns were a big part of the ideology taking hold.
I remember a kid telling me he keeps his social life and his sex life separate - it was basically too stressful to flirt with girls and to make himself vulnerable by making it clear he fancied them, so he just remained friends with the girls and this sex life was wholly online
That is very interesting. When he first told us, he told his dad that it would be easier to talk to girls as a girls.
Autogynephilic cross-sex identity disorder has always presented in terms of being "rapid onset", as Blanchard and Bailey wrote for parents in 2017:
"From a parent’s perspective, autogynephilic gender dysphoria (which occurs only in natal males) often seems to come out of the blue. This is likely to be true whether the onset is during adolescence or adulthood. A teenage boy may suddenly announce that he is actually a woman trapped in a man’s body, or that he is transgender, or that he wants gender transition."
The theory of "ROGD boys", which suggests that there is a new type of cross-sex identity disorder (beyond autogynephilia) amongst males caused by social factors, e.g. misandry in feminist online "social justice" circles, seemed interesting. However on closer examination, it is arguable that proponents of this theory only believed they had discovered something new, as their understanding of autogynephilia was solely in terms of a negative caricature, which the boys they saw did not subscribe to.
[1] https://4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender-dysphoria-is-not-one-thing/
[2] Dr. Blanchard shared my article on the topic in March, 2023. https://twitter.com/BlanchardPhD/status/1636362020994809856
Isn't it safe to say whatever the reason, my son is not living in reality since hevtruly believes he is a woman and needs help to attain better life coping skills. I don't think it is one thing that caused his issues but a combination of factors. Supposedly he sought council for his issues which lead to this path. In today's world it is hard for both him and his discarded family to receive real help and healing. You cannot look at this problem without discovering tortured souls; whether in a youth,young adult or adult.
I think if the narrative is one of having a “female mind/brain in male body” then that is not living in reality.
While I think for some that autogynephilia is a constant, I can see that for others it is also affected by life events, and becomes challenging where the prospect of living in a fantasy becomes preferable to living in reality.
One YouTube account of autogynephilia by a medical doctor, narrates that his autogynephilia became more present when he was affected by a family bereavement.
Thanks Orlando, have you the link to this Youtube account and I'll include it in the article?
I thought your article was very nuanced. Here is the video in case it is of interest for this article, or further articles. [1]
I was mistaken, the man was a surgeon, not a doctor. The audio is bad quality, but at 22:00 he recounts a strong urge to cross-dress after the death of his mother, and at a time of marital stress caused by a health condition mentioned at 25:30.
I heard a report of a father starting to "transition" after his child developed cancer. I can imagine this would have made it even harder for the family, however I believe it is the same phenomenon: when one no longer wants to live in reality, living in fantasy becomes more attractive, and existing autogynephilia, which may have not been so compelling in the past, provides that fantasy.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RGw84Yd4Pw
And how does not one think this could not be a psychosomatic pathology vs an “innateness”. It seems we have lots of men who are willing to discuss it, but as with other diagnosis, parents/family should be a sort of the discussion to give clues into the family dynamics.
How does one explain the sudden increase in teen/YA males who are now “trans”. I don’t believe Blanchard/Bailey. They are the least inquisitive sexologists I have heard/read. After listening to a 2 hr symposium on ETII/AGP - I believe the theory even less. They never ask the most important question of all, “why?”. As Anne Lawrence says to the effect, “the western world values individuality, if this phenomenon were to happen in another culture, we wouldn’t have trans. Lawrence also mentions that in the AGP pop, there is a high level of narcissistic behavior.
It seems all these AGPs can tell you with certainty when they started wearing their mother’s clothes at a young age, (recall bias) but never why? Secondly, how is it that these AGP’s have an abnormally developed sexual desire at 5-6 yrs of age?
Bailey posits that an ETII is a sexual orientation. If you believe that, then one must believe that not only AGP is a sexual orientation so are furries as both would like to become that which they desire. As Bailey mentions, at this time it’s too expensive and difficult to become one. This is what one calls a social bound culture phenomenon. It seems the only sexually deviant behavior that is not a SO, according to them, are baby diaper wearing men. They apparently have no desire to become a baby so they just have a fetish.
Porn is available to all and our society has not done anything to keep it out of the hands of minors and YA. Porn now is totally different than what it was during Hugh Hefners playboy magazine years.
In addition to the prevalence of porn I believe the very strong desire to escape being the " oppressor" and become the "oppressed" plays a big part in todays transgender issues whether it be FTM or MTF
I fully agree. I'll edit the article to include that point
"Parents also seek to suppress discussion about sexual links to gender distress perhaps because they feel frightened by any signs of sexually inappropriate behaviour coming from their children."
There is a fear of putting the boys into the AGP/sexual box because of the often repeated (but incorrect) statement that AGP's who transitioned in the past did well. This is mentioned by Bailey a lot, and others who say that those who transitioned in the past were middle aged men, and that they had a low regret rate and that it usually worked out.
Thus, sexualizing an MTF sounds very similar to saying that those are ok to medicalize.
They seem to forget the 19x suicide rate even in Dhejne et al (2011), the fact that if you only kept those in Dhejne et al (2014) who were followed up 8 years at least it appears the number who changed their name was 4.4% not 2.2% and that changing your name doesn't mean you got all the regretters, and that all the older studies don't have adequate follow-up, and that efforts to show reliable benefit of surgical transition in studies have failed. Just like the ones for hormones.
The regret rate even for the past is unknown, studies were hopeless, which is pointed out even in the studies that claim it works, and then say right afterwards, oh, but follow up loss ranged up to 80% and oh they were measuring different things at different times, but sure sure it's all fine...
I think only one md followed up patients almost every year, checking on them, the rest...not really.
There is also the fact that many of these boys are ashamed of their manhood or have what seems to be absolute hatred of their sexed bodies, so those who are trying to be helpful by saying it is ok to treat the MTF who have had surgery as F....they're like...ok...surgery then!
Yes you make very good points here and I'll include them in the updated article. I believe the regret rate is much higher - the 'lost-to-follow up' numbers make the research on regret really problematic
I have seen those in the anti-"gender identity" movement insist that autogynephilia in boys does not exist, despite all evidence to the contrary.
The motive for doing so is perhaps obvious, as to talk about those with autogynephilia as also amongst the victims of "gender identity" ideology, is to break with the ideological viewpoint that the "trans" issue was created by a patriarchy in order to benefit autogynephilic men. "Autogynephilia" for this group has lost Blanchard's original meaning, and is used to mean "oppressor" or "abuser". When this group want to identify an autogynephilic male who acts otherwise, the descriptor used is "gender non-conforming", or indeed "ROGD boy".
It's easier to believe that autogynephilia does not exist in boys, as to recognise otherwise, is to admit that much of the vitriol directed towards autogynephilia will also spill out onto the very boys who this group claim they want to protect, i.e. those who are going to be the most likely to experience issues of cross-sex identification, and susceptible to the belief that they have the "gender identity" of the opposite sex.
I created a memo in order to try and help organisations recognise what they currently hold as "gender identity" in terms of autogynephilia, so will share it again here: https://transpolicy.substack.com/p/trans-memo
I've always found the caricaturing of autogynephilia counter-productive for a group who claim they want to dispel the myth of "gender identity", so I wrote the above memo to try and show the non-caricatured reality, as seen by the public.
Great, thank you for this, I've just shared your memo, it's very good
If you consider appropriate, please could you share the memo on Genspect's twitter account. I have published the memo on a Substack separate from my political commentary on this topic (as Transpolicy, rather than Since 2010), so that the memo can hopefully be shared by a broad coalition.
Great idea, will do!
If you wanted to republish the article on Genspect, as "from a reader" please feel free to. If you wanted to publish it in an edited form, then let me know.
Good idea, a shorter version would work very well in Genspect, would you send to submissions@genspect.org we pay for your work
I recently sent this complaint to the NHS https://since2010.substack.com/p/complaint-to-the-nhs-regarding-the
I sent an email to that address with a shorter version of the article (mentioning in case it is misdirected to spam).
Please could Genspect share the following article which I have posted on my apolitical Substack "Concerns regarding Florence Ashley's appointment to the WHO's trans guidelines development group" https://transpolicy.substack.com/p/concerns-regarding-florence-ashleys
Thank you, I hope it contributes towards ending the belief in "gender identity"/"essence".
Thank you for this, Stella. This is definitely a topic that could use more attention. The AGP dx. is one I hope my child doesn’t have/ receive but I honestly don’t know as he is over 18. I would prefer to imagine that this is not part of his problem as to me it feels creepy/ repulsive ? I can’t be the only parent that feels this way.
Yes, it is extremely difficult for everyone to contemplate. The fact is, statistically speaking, some men (mostly men anyway) are paedophiles, some are hebephiles ( a lot more than people realise), some are into frotteurism, sado-masochism, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc etc. I've worked with people who have had to endure this in their family and it's very difficult
No, I don't think your reply is civil as you say I'm gaslighting and yet you don't show any evidence of gaslighting. Do you also think that Lisa Littman's research is gaslighting? Littman's research shows that over 38% of male detransitioners and 13% of female detransitioners self-report an erotic component about their urge to medically transition. These detransitioners also self-report ROGD - is this gaslighting too?
Thank you very much, that’s lovely to hear