Describing how young adults today have fewer responsibilities, while their parents have more responsibilities and expectations but significantly less authority.
My work has brought me into contact with UK families of Indian heritage where adult children living at home with parents is regular, often a wife moving into a husband's parents' home on marrying. Those homes tend to be larger than average with several incomes/pensions, so space is there for more than the nuclear family and there are lots of material benefits.
I had hoped that our own home could be adapted for this purpose until at least our children could comfortably afford independent accommodation that wasn't rough student type living.
I had no idea of the 'trans ideology' risks to my learning disabled daughter going away to another university town so I can't punish myself for that. She has entirely cut herself off from us for the last year.
Your analysis does help us to understand a bit more what is going on out there. Individuation in an extreme way for some, like our daughter.
I wonder if there is some correlation what I see anecdotally out there, that there is more incidence in western culture generations younger than ours (I am 61, husband is 70) to feel they can decide not to be part of their own family, often with no big deal disagreement. My daughter's estrangement from us is the fourth I can think of in my own wider family (cousins and second cousins). One little sh-t has broken his widowed grandmother's heart by ditching her when his parents divorced.
If there was an argument ever between myself and either or both of my parents it would be blown over in a week or two and that was how it seemed for all my own contemporaries.
Yes, I think the new individualised nature of society today means that children are estranging much more easily from their parents. There is a transactional nature to the relationship and when they believe the relationship isn't 'giving' them enough in the cost-benefit analysis, they move on. Our Wider Lens podcast discusses this here: https://youtu.be/W-luYGC0HtQ?si=fJhGNf8Dhf7H65yE
I just started listening to that podcast - I am two hours past my bedtime with a breakfast toolbox meeting to lead at work so I look forward to listening in the car one night this week. So my own experiences do reflect what is going on out there. Thank you Stella and Sasha too.
My trans identified/non binary daughter is seeking independence at 22. She dropped out of college and has a minimum wage job. She says she loves us but keeps us at a distance. She intends to go to cosmetology school but in January. I am hoping this individuating while maybe unstable will also make her grow up beyond her focusing only on identity. It’s a bit nerve wracking though in this day and age as my friends kids seem to have a closer relationship with their parents . Trust I guess 🙏
My work has brought me into contact with UK families of Indian heritage where adult children living at home with parents is regular, often a wife moving into a husband's parents' home on marrying. Those homes tend to be larger than average with several incomes/pensions, so space is there for more than the nuclear family and there are lots of material benefits.
I had hoped that our own home could be adapted for this purpose until at least our children could comfortably afford independent accommodation that wasn't rough student type living.
I had no idea of the 'trans ideology' risks to my learning disabled daughter going away to another university town so I can't punish myself for that. She has entirely cut herself off from us for the last year.
Your analysis does help us to understand a bit more what is going on out there. Individuation in an extreme way for some, like our daughter.
I wonder if there is some correlation what I see anecdotally out there, that there is more incidence in western culture generations younger than ours (I am 61, husband is 70) to feel they can decide not to be part of their own family, often with no big deal disagreement. My daughter's estrangement from us is the fourth I can think of in my own wider family (cousins and second cousins). One little sh-t has broken his widowed grandmother's heart by ditching her when his parents divorced.
If there was an argument ever between myself and either or both of my parents it would be blown over in a week or two and that was how it seemed for all my own contemporaries.
Yes, I think the new individualised nature of society today means that children are estranging much more easily from their parents. There is a transactional nature to the relationship and when they believe the relationship isn't 'giving' them enough in the cost-benefit analysis, they move on. Our Wider Lens podcast discusses this here: https://youtu.be/W-luYGC0HtQ?si=fJhGNf8Dhf7H65yE
I just started listening to that podcast - I am two hours past my bedtime with a breakfast toolbox meeting to lead at work so I look forward to listening in the car one night this week. So my own experiences do reflect what is going on out there. Thank you Stella and Sasha too.
My trans identified/non binary daughter is seeking independence at 22. She dropped out of college and has a minimum wage job. She says she loves us but keeps us at a distance. She intends to go to cosmetology school but in January. I am hoping this individuating while maybe unstable will also make her grow up beyond her focusing only on identity. It’s a bit nerve wracking though in this day and age as my friends kids seem to have a closer relationship with their parents . Trust I guess 🙏
Hi MW what I wrote above really is what I was was thinking after reading your piece.
Sorry- it’s not easy at all. I am finding some solace with Stoic Mom Project Community in the U.S.
Could you give us any details about this group? I am interested!
https://stoicmom.substack.com/