I am decidedly NOT sick of you talking. I do not think you are homophobic or aiding and abetting AGP. I think your words are profound and clear, and if an adjective, adverb, or qualifier is missing here or there, to focus on that and misconstrue your heart and your devotion to helping children, young adults, and families through this nightmare of gender ideology is unfair and grossly unproductive.
Stella I actually can’t believe you need to make this statement to articulate what you are saying to those who try to misconstrue your words. All that comes to my mind is Dr. Seuss. Those that matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Those of us who know exactly what you represent and what you stand for know exactly what you are saying even if a word is missing from a sentence!! It’s unfortunate that to stand up for vulnerable children means some people will pick sentences apart to try and knock you down when the reality is all of us who are against medicalisation and mutation of vulnerable children should stick together because there’s power in numbers and collective knowledge. Much respect to you Stella. Keep up the amazing work you do knowing you have more love than hate backing you.
Warm regards
Caroline. (A mother who would not have survived the last year without knowing people like you are working tirelessly to help save our children)
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your tireless work to bring this scandal to light, your empathy and compassion towards families and young people in the grips of this scandal and your warmth and humor shine through in everything you do. Not being able to have nuance, needing to explain things more is a product of our times …there is too much quick, surface level information, social media, headlines, sound bites and people who want to stir the pot. No one who has been in the trenches with this topic would question your motives or your sincerity. Thanks for all you do…. You are greatly appreciated.
Please keep talking. I discovered your work recently and after a year and a half of hand-wringing and considerable mental health struggles following my child's self-id, and the subsequent outpouring of affirmation from well-intentioned adults, I finally found myself genuinely smiling and laughing (about non-gender related topics) this week. Although I've accepted that I cannot speak about my concerns with therapists, friends, etc., just knowing someone else is questioning all of this in such a thoughtful and caring way, makes me realize I'm not alone. Please keep talking. Make mistakes. Address them. Move forward. We need you.
I cannot imagine hat anybody struggling with this idelogy, for whatever reason, would not want to hear your input: it is so precious to have somebody out there courageous and smart enough to shed light on this complex and dark medical scandal. And who can offer hope and support to parents in dispair. THANK YOU Stella
I'm glad you're asking these questions and thank you for continuingly putting yourself in the firing line, from all sides, in order to elicit discussion about topics others seem to want to ignore, but which are facets of the gender ideological forum we are ALL pushing back against. We parents need to know why some of our children appear to be showing AGP tendencies, both girls and boys, so we can help them find their way out and stop others falling in. It may not be for the same reasons as the older males and females, but until we confront the unsavory questions, we have no hope of finding any answers and so the gates will remain open and unguarded for many more children to enter into.
Safeguarding means putting measures in place to protect the vulnerable, but if we aren't willing to ever ask why and try to understand the "red flags" then we won't be able to protect against them.
Thank you for daring to and caring enough to ask 'why'?
I appreciate your candid response. It is true that the more you are out there speaking, the more likely there will be mistakes or not thoroughly thought through comments. That is how most conversations grow- people understand the nuance, question things and move forward in their thinking. That is what you exemplify- someone who is always questioning and thinking and growing. Thank you for that! You have saved my sanity with your quick wit and willingness to tackle the most challenging topics with wisdom and grace. You are a beacon through some incredibly dark times and I look forward to learning and growing with you. My greatest thanks go out to you.
Oh dear. I'm sad this is happening to you, Stella. Yet in this you are speaking for me also. I am not homophobic nor transphobic, and have been angrily called such because of misunderstandings OTHERS have made, judgements OTHERS have made of me without entering into open respectful questioning of my statements.
Unlike you, I'm not great at clearly stating my truth. You've answered to this respectfully, carefully, non-defensively, in a calm, matter-of-fact way.
Even your apologies I feel are not needed- I've never experienced any thoughtlessness or motivation other than to carefully state facts.
I didn't know about AGP until the incident you refer to- at the time I read your words of respect for the person involved, and your care for the cause that concerns you.
You, more than others as far as I can see, hold experience and educated knowing that gives me space to hear what you are saying. You speak from a caring, understanding, wisely balanced view. I feel your words sometimes thoughtfully from two sides of a discussion. You are always supportive of all, you give space to all for various viewpoints while you share your knowledge and wisdom.
You have assisted so many, and I can see your hard work clearly- you've helped 3 families I'm aware of from complete devastation. I see you do this for no more motivation than your calling and responsibility. I see your IMMENSE courage in this. From your courage and clarity I find my own ability to stand firm against a shocking tide, but I can see it as it is; thanks solely to you. And that enables me to stand firm in my own knowing. A knowing that with my own experience also, quietly I can say, at least to myself, that while I have no need to question my support of certain groups (ie, if others knew my history or could hear it, it's unquestionable that I am not homophobic nor racist etc nor transphobic,) I do heartily question the narcissistic, power- hungry, damaging ideology that I do see and feel damaging children in my community.
And you've named some of what I've felt and seen, introduced me to others who speak of similar understandings with less clarity than you do, but help me flesh out my own voice for what I see. And you do this all with reserve, respect, and generosity of spirit that allows space for many viewpoints.
You oughtn't need to apologise.
This area is so fraught with tension, and the narcissistic element will use anything to choose indignant. So I hear your genuine concern for those you apologise to.
But for me, I'm only very grateful for your strength, your humanity, your acceptance and your courage. Because without it there wouldn't be the support so many have in this new, global debacle.
Thank you so much for the immensity of what you've given to me, Stella. I can never repay you in kind, so I hope the world does. Because heaven knows you really deserve support and reward for your massive efforts.
Hi Stella- I didn’t realize you were going through this right now. Take good care of yourself. As you say, we all make mistakes. I find that you model excellent responses to difficult issues. And you still do. x
Are you clearly not as good as communicating as you think you are — or are people hellbent on finding fault, especially in those who have become more visible?
All I see in you is that the honest spirit of inquiry you clearly started with still hasn't waned, even after all this time focusing on the gender issue, and that you're still capable of asking innocent, honest questions born from intellectual curiosity. Are you going to be right all the time? Obviously not. Will there be disagreement among people who are, for lack of a better phrase, broadly in the same camp? Obviously.
It would be great if that could all take place in the context of vigorous discussion. There's no need for conspiracy theories and vitriol. (I often have this thought when talking to my child, too!)
Keep up the good work, though. This kind of stuff does seem to be inevitable and it simply seems to signal that you're making an impact. Nobody who only says things others cannot find fault with is saying anything profound or potentially life-changing. I don't think there's any reason to apologize for being human, especially in this context, where so many seem to mouth whatever party line robotically.
Having said that, if you want "out" of public life, you've done enough, and I hope you don't feel a duty to keep going if it's breaking you. All of us parents know all too well to what extent this issue grinds away at everything that makes life beautiful. Some of us see our kids desist and move into a phase in our relationships with them where things feel calmer and there is a lightness and a hope again. We then step out of this madness and get on with our lives, facing different and unrelated struggles or savoring the good times. Where does it end for you?
Sorry you are going through this Stella, I for one am glad you speak out in our support, as a parent greatly suffering I’m so relieved that people like you are speaking up for us.
I had to come off twitter, it upset me so much especially comments from people who have been blessed by not having to go through this difficult situation but like to put the boot into those that are.
Please get off Twitter. They don’t deserve your time or energy. The people that matter will follow you to more appropriate places. Also no-one wanted to talk about cancer initially BUT if it wasn’t discussed or researched millions of people would be adversley affected. Thank you for your excellent content. 💖🇬🇧
"However I have been the subject of a prolonged and extensive smear campaign that has gone on for over five years now and so I will call out any lies and I will not engage with any bad faith arguments."
Good for you! Take care of yourself as you continue to act as a lighthouse to so many individuals and families in this very dark storm. Please don't let the self-aggrandizing/self-pitying jerks throw you off balance. Some untruths are not worth a response.
Ever since November, I have been trying to wrap my head around attacks on Stella and Genspect. Why, when after years of struggling, when it finally seems that concerns about the attempt to reorganize our language and society around gender identity are making it into the mainstream, are people within the movement attacking their allies? Couldn't we go back to being a group of people setting aside our differences in favor of our common aspirations? Wasn't figuring out sex, gender, sexuality, childhood, psychology, culture and politics enough to be getting on with?
It was clear from the outset that we had strange bedfellows: atheists and the devoutly religious, leftugees and social conservatives. The gender critical movement crossed nations and classes. When was the last time we've seen any cause with such broad appeal? Remember Feminism?
At the risk of condensing all this to the point of crassness, Feminism (with a capital F) should be a cautionary tale. A good idea, the broad aspiration for legal and moral equality of women, for fair treatment and the opportunity to extend our horizons beyond our biology degenerated along identity lines into every smaller factions (black, indigenous, lesbian, disabled, etc) each suspicious of the others. And as the world moved on it became alienated from the concerns of the majority of women who got on with their lives, continued to support the broad goals of feminism but rolled their eyes at the antics of intersectional feminists and queer theorists. Today Feminism in the west is little more than another identity label among many, that works against the interests of all women when "feminists" ignore the importance of sex-based rights.
If we are going to succeed, we need to keep our eyes on what we are trying to achieve. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing and if we are to be successful, it is imperative to raise concerns -- about allowing AGPs to participate in conferences for instance. But reacting in a personal, intense and emotional way by attacking Stella as an individual, and projecting motives to her ought to make us question what's going on. Are there now things we can't discuss or speculate about? So many people are trying to shut down dissent by calling anything that threatens their sense of identity transphobic. Are we really going to do that within the gender critical movement? If Stella is wrong, explain why she's wrong and make a case. It might actually move us forward and make us stronger.
Identity politics is the water we swim in so it might be inevitable that disagreements will take that form even among allies -- but it will tear us apart if we allow it.
I am decidedly NOT sick of you talking. I do not think you are homophobic or aiding and abetting AGP. I think your words are profound and clear, and if an adjective, adverb, or qualifier is missing here or there, to focus on that and misconstrue your heart and your devotion to helping children, young adults, and families through this nightmare of gender ideology is unfair and grossly unproductive.
Thank you xx
Stella I actually can’t believe you need to make this statement to articulate what you are saying to those who try to misconstrue your words. All that comes to my mind is Dr. Seuss. Those that matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Those of us who know exactly what you represent and what you stand for know exactly what you are saying even if a word is missing from a sentence!! It’s unfortunate that to stand up for vulnerable children means some people will pick sentences apart to try and knock you down when the reality is all of us who are against medicalisation and mutation of vulnerable children should stick together because there’s power in numbers and collective knowledge. Much respect to you Stella. Keep up the amazing work you do knowing you have more love than hate backing you.
Warm regards
Caroline. (A mother who would not have survived the last year without knowing people like you are working tirelessly to help save our children)
Thanks that's lovely of you
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your tireless work to bring this scandal to light, your empathy and compassion towards families and young people in the grips of this scandal and your warmth and humor shine through in everything you do. Not being able to have nuance, needing to explain things more is a product of our times …there is too much quick, surface level information, social media, headlines, sound bites and people who want to stir the pot. No one who has been in the trenches with this topic would question your motives or your sincerity. Thanks for all you do…. You are greatly appreciated.
Thanks, that's very kind xx
Please keep talking. I discovered your work recently and after a year and a half of hand-wringing and considerable mental health struggles following my child's self-id, and the subsequent outpouring of affirmation from well-intentioned adults, I finally found myself genuinely smiling and laughing (about non-gender related topics) this week. Although I've accepted that I cannot speak about my concerns with therapists, friends, etc., just knowing someone else is questioning all of this in such a thoughtful and caring way, makes me realize I'm not alone. Please keep talking. Make mistakes. Address them. Move forward. We need you.
I cannot imagine hat anybody struggling with this idelogy, for whatever reason, would not want to hear your input: it is so precious to have somebody out there courageous and smart enough to shed light on this complex and dark medical scandal. And who can offer hope and support to parents in dispair. THANK YOU Stella
I'm glad you're asking these questions and thank you for continuingly putting yourself in the firing line, from all sides, in order to elicit discussion about topics others seem to want to ignore, but which are facets of the gender ideological forum we are ALL pushing back against. We parents need to know why some of our children appear to be showing AGP tendencies, both girls and boys, so we can help them find their way out and stop others falling in. It may not be for the same reasons as the older males and females, but until we confront the unsavory questions, we have no hope of finding any answers and so the gates will remain open and unguarded for many more children to enter into.
Safeguarding means putting measures in place to protect the vulnerable, but if we aren't willing to ever ask why and try to understand the "red flags" then we won't be able to protect against them.
Thank you for daring to and caring enough to ask 'why'?
I echo this. Hear, hear
I appreciate your candid response. It is true that the more you are out there speaking, the more likely there will be mistakes or not thoroughly thought through comments. That is how most conversations grow- people understand the nuance, question things and move forward in their thinking. That is what you exemplify- someone who is always questioning and thinking and growing. Thank you for that! You have saved my sanity with your quick wit and willingness to tackle the most challenging topics with wisdom and grace. You are a beacon through some incredibly dark times and I look forward to learning and growing with you. My greatest thanks go out to you.
Oh dear. I'm sad this is happening to you, Stella. Yet in this you are speaking for me also. I am not homophobic nor transphobic, and have been angrily called such because of misunderstandings OTHERS have made, judgements OTHERS have made of me without entering into open respectful questioning of my statements.
Unlike you, I'm not great at clearly stating my truth. You've answered to this respectfully, carefully, non-defensively, in a calm, matter-of-fact way.
Even your apologies I feel are not needed- I've never experienced any thoughtlessness or motivation other than to carefully state facts.
I didn't know about AGP until the incident you refer to- at the time I read your words of respect for the person involved, and your care for the cause that concerns you.
You, more than others as far as I can see, hold experience and educated knowing that gives me space to hear what you are saying. You speak from a caring, understanding, wisely balanced view. I feel your words sometimes thoughtfully from two sides of a discussion. You are always supportive of all, you give space to all for various viewpoints while you share your knowledge and wisdom.
You have assisted so many, and I can see your hard work clearly- you've helped 3 families I'm aware of from complete devastation. I see you do this for no more motivation than your calling and responsibility. I see your IMMENSE courage in this. From your courage and clarity I find my own ability to stand firm against a shocking tide, but I can see it as it is; thanks solely to you. And that enables me to stand firm in my own knowing. A knowing that with my own experience also, quietly I can say, at least to myself, that while I have no need to question my support of certain groups (ie, if others knew my history or could hear it, it's unquestionable that I am not homophobic nor racist etc nor transphobic,) I do heartily question the narcissistic, power- hungry, damaging ideology that I do see and feel damaging children in my community.
And you've named some of what I've felt and seen, introduced me to others who speak of similar understandings with less clarity than you do, but help me flesh out my own voice for what I see. And you do this all with reserve, respect, and generosity of spirit that allows space for many viewpoints.
You oughtn't need to apologise.
This area is so fraught with tension, and the narcissistic element will use anything to choose indignant. So I hear your genuine concern for those you apologise to.
But for me, I'm only very grateful for your strength, your humanity, your acceptance and your courage. Because without it there wouldn't be the support so many have in this new, global debacle.
Thank you so much for the immensity of what you've given to me, Stella. I can never repay you in kind, so I hope the world does. Because heaven knows you really deserve support and reward for your massive efforts.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hi Stella- I didn’t realize you were going through this right now. Take good care of yourself. As you say, we all make mistakes. I find that you model excellent responses to difficult issues. And you still do. x
I just reread your words..'some people are sick of me talking..'
To me that means your words are finally finding ground.
To me that means a tipping point ahead...
Like children who are disgruntled and vocal when a boundary is set, but who find it's safety in order to move forward.
If that sentence of yours is true, then something in me celebrates.
Are you clearly not as good as communicating as you think you are — or are people hellbent on finding fault, especially in those who have become more visible?
All I see in you is that the honest spirit of inquiry you clearly started with still hasn't waned, even after all this time focusing on the gender issue, and that you're still capable of asking innocent, honest questions born from intellectual curiosity. Are you going to be right all the time? Obviously not. Will there be disagreement among people who are, for lack of a better phrase, broadly in the same camp? Obviously.
It would be great if that could all take place in the context of vigorous discussion. There's no need for conspiracy theories and vitriol. (I often have this thought when talking to my child, too!)
Keep up the good work, though. This kind of stuff does seem to be inevitable and it simply seems to signal that you're making an impact. Nobody who only says things others cannot find fault with is saying anything profound or potentially life-changing. I don't think there's any reason to apologize for being human, especially in this context, where so many seem to mouth whatever party line robotically.
Having said that, if you want "out" of public life, you've done enough, and I hope you don't feel a duty to keep going if it's breaking you. All of us parents know all too well to what extent this issue grinds away at everything that makes life beautiful. Some of us see our kids desist and move into a phase in our relationships with them where things feel calmer and there is a lightness and a hope again. We then step out of this madness and get on with our lives, facing different and unrelated struggles or savoring the good times. Where does it end for you?
Thanks that’s very kind of you x
Sorry you are going through this Stella, I for one am glad you speak out in our support, as a parent greatly suffering I’m so relieved that people like you are speaking up for us.
I had to come off twitter, it upset me so much especially comments from people who have been blessed by not having to go through this difficult situation but like to put the boot into those that are.
Look after yourself Stella and thank you x
Thank you. Yes twitter is maddening xx
Please get off Twitter. They don’t deserve your time or energy. The people that matter will follow you to more appropriate places. Also no-one wanted to talk about cancer initially BUT if it wasn’t discussed or researched millions of people would be adversley affected. Thank you for your excellent content. 💖🇬🇧
I ❤️ Stella O’Malley.
"However I have been the subject of a prolonged and extensive smear campaign that has gone on for over five years now and so I will call out any lies and I will not engage with any bad faith arguments."
Good for you! Take care of yourself as you continue to act as a lighthouse to so many individuals and families in this very dark storm. Please don't let the self-aggrandizing/self-pitying jerks throw you off balance. Some untruths are not worth a response.
Identity Politics Threatens Everything
Ever since November, I have been trying to wrap my head around attacks on Stella and Genspect. Why, when after years of struggling, when it finally seems that concerns about the attempt to reorganize our language and society around gender identity are making it into the mainstream, are people within the movement attacking their allies? Couldn't we go back to being a group of people setting aside our differences in favor of our common aspirations? Wasn't figuring out sex, gender, sexuality, childhood, psychology, culture and politics enough to be getting on with?
It was clear from the outset that we had strange bedfellows: atheists and the devoutly religious, leftugees and social conservatives. The gender critical movement crossed nations and classes. When was the last time we've seen any cause with such broad appeal? Remember Feminism?
At the risk of condensing all this to the point of crassness, Feminism (with a capital F) should be a cautionary tale. A good idea, the broad aspiration for legal and moral equality of women, for fair treatment and the opportunity to extend our horizons beyond our biology degenerated along identity lines into every smaller factions (black, indigenous, lesbian, disabled, etc) each suspicious of the others. And as the world moved on it became alienated from the concerns of the majority of women who got on with their lives, continued to support the broad goals of feminism but rolled their eyes at the antics of intersectional feminists and queer theorists. Today Feminism in the west is little more than another identity label among many, that works against the interests of all women when "feminists" ignore the importance of sex-based rights.
If we are going to succeed, we need to keep our eyes on what we are trying to achieve. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing and if we are to be successful, it is imperative to raise concerns -- about allowing AGPs to participate in conferences for instance. But reacting in a personal, intense and emotional way by attacking Stella as an individual, and projecting motives to her ought to make us question what's going on. Are there now things we can't discuss or speculate about? So many people are trying to shut down dissent by calling anything that threatens their sense of identity transphobic. Are we really going to do that within the gender critical movement? If Stella is wrong, explain why she's wrong and make a case. It might actually move us forward and make us stronger.
Identity politics is the water we swim in so it might be inevitable that disagreements will take that form even among allies -- but it will tear us apart if we allow it.
Thanks so much Nancy xxx