In my recent interview, I reflected on the experiences of teenagers today compared to those from earlier decades. Back in the 2000s, many teens came to therapy after experiencing traumatic events. Today, I often see young people who appear to have no significant distressing events in their lives, yet they still feel overwhelmed. Many come from loving, engaged families, but they may be entering therapy prematurely, driven by a culture that emphasizes mental health labels.
This shift creates a perception among teens that their emotional struggles indicate something is wrong with them. They often believe they are the "distressed" ones while others lead "golden lives." I find myself reassuring them that feeling deep emotions is part of the human experience and that it's okay to feel insecure or anxious. They’re often surprised to learn that their emotional depth doesn't necessarily signify a mental health issue but rather reflects their sensitivity as thinkers and feelers.
We've created a narrative that suggests if you're unhappy, you must have a mental health problem. However, many are simply navigating the complexities of life, and what they perceive as distress might just be part of being human in today's world.
I discussed the pressures parents face today. We're expected to be entertainers, educators, and psychologists all at once. When kids aren’t happy, parents often feel they’re failing. This expectation carries into the teenage years, where any unhappiness is seen as a problem—whether it's a mental health issue or a missed diagnosis.
The reality is that life isn't always happy. While there are beautiful moments, there are also daily challenges, insecurities, and distress. Many teens today seem to believe that constant happiness should be the norm, making any level of unhappiness feel deeply unsettling. It’s important to recognize that feeling distressed is part of the human experience, not a sign of failure.
I explored how growing up online affects teenagers today. I've noticed a lack of deep friendships among them. Many confide in each other over late-night messages, sharing heavy thoughts, but when they meet in person, the interactions can feel superficial and disconnected.
There's something about physical presence that fosters genuine bonds, which seems to be missing in their online communication. Instead, friendships often split into two halves: a cheerful facade in person and a darker, more vulnerable side online. I worry that this dynamic prevents them from forming the deep connections that previous generations experienced. The online world seems to be encroaching on their ability to build meaningful relationships.
Teenage Boys
As a therapist working with teenage boys, I've noticed a disturbing trend. Many of them have fallen into a cycle of harmful online pornography, often without intending to. The algorithms on platforms like Pornhub can be incredibly manipulative, gradually exposing users to increasingly extreme and disturbing content. This can lead to significant emotional distress, anxiety, and a distorted view of sex and relationships. It's clear that these boys are being groomed into dangerous territory, and this is a serious issue that needs more attention.
The constant pressure to be sexually active online is stunting the social development of young people. As one young man put it, "I can't deal with all that weird fumbly, does she like me?"
Schools
I grew up in a time when there was a clear line between parents and teachers. Parents trusted teachers to educate their children, and teachers respected the authority of parents. Today, that line has blurred. I'm increasingly concerned about the direction of education, where schools seem more focused on 'pastoral care' and social engineering than on teaching core subjects like English and Geography.
This 'half-baked pop psychology' from teachers, while well-intentioned, can be harmful. We need teachers to focus on teaching, not therapy. Parents need to reclaim their authority and ensure their children's best interests are prioritized. This includes challenging harmful practices like social transitioning without parental consent. It's time for parents to stand up and say, 'You are my child's teacher, not their therapist. Teach them the subjects you're paid to teach.
The current state of education is deeply concerning. We're seeing a disturbing trend of well-intentioned but misguided initiatives that prioritize social engineering over academic rigor. A recent scandal in Ireland, involving explicit content in school textbooks for 11 and 12-year-olds, highlights the dangers of this approach.
It's crucial for parents to be vigilant and to challenge inappropriate curriculum and teaching methods. By working together and communicating effectively with teachers, we can ensure that our children receive a high-quality education that focuses on academic excellence and moral values. It's time to reclaim our schools and restore the focus on learning.
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